like a virgin

an old lady in my building just told me i looked like a jonas brother.

this is bothersome on so many levels.

1) how does this grandma even know who the jonas brothers are?
2) how does she know what the jonas brothers look like?
3) i don't know what the jonas brothers look like.
4) do i really look like a jonas brother?
5) should i be flattered or insulted?

you be the judge...


there's an app for that

i'm such a stickler for fonts and formatting, that i'm uncertain i'll be able to handle using this handy iphone application, for posting new and exciting blog entries, because I fear I won't have enough control.

i need to be in control.

how the fuck do you change the font colour??

ugh...here goes...

edit: holy fuck, it worked.
now to brush up on my HTML...



i'm a sucker for new and exciting things, so i'm trying out tumblr.
no offense, blogger...it's not you, it's me.



man cleave

i'm jealous of katy perry.
russell brand, in my opinion, is currently the coolest person on earth.

but more to the point...

where can i get pants like these?!


currently listening to: the race - wiz khalifa


cash and prizes

dear every man on the face of the earth, except phil kessel,

how much do you like your cock and balls?
a lot?
then do yourself a favour and go buy yourself 14 pairs of saxx underwear.

simply put: they will change your life.

"Saxx's Ergonomic Comfort Pouch improves men’s comfort by preventing contact and offering non-restrictive support."

they provide you with a mesh sack to protect your...sack...
your bits and pieces, your wedding tackle, your meat and two veg, your twig and berries...
you get the point.
why would you NOT want to wear them? goodbye chafe, hello comfort.
i rocked a pair for a 9 hour shift and thought that perhaps i was dreaming...except i wasn't.
it was reality. and my balls thanked me.

you can thank me later.


that's fucking smart.

i'm currently obsessed with man v. food.
it's arguably the best show on television.
but i wouldn't suggest arguing with me...

because you're stupid.

epic mealtime is also fucking smart.


purple helmet

i found these beauties on the internet...and with brett officially signing his retirement papers...again...it seemed appropriate.



size matters


what's the deal with people and their tiny speakers?
what happened to the good old days when you pounded music from your 4 foot tall speakers?

"there's not enough space in my house for big speakers, plus an amplifier! furthermore, i think my tiny ipod dock sounds pretty good. i don't need all that stuff..."
you're dumb.

maybe if you didn't have your rockband drums in the middle of your living room, you'd have space for more shit. or how about that treadmill you never run on, fatty?

go out and buy some big ass speakers, listen to your music and shut up.


if you don't respond to this blog post your bbm and facebook will both be shutdown. this is real!!! it happened to my friend!!!

it's been a couple months now since i've ditched my blackberry and gotten my iphone, and i can honestly say it's the best thing that has ever happened to me.

well...maybe not the BEST thing...
having sex is probably better...
but it's still ranked pretty high.

but i digress...

it seems the only reason people these days get blackberrys is because of bbm.
woopty doo!
it's like msn for your phone.
who gives a shit?
"it's faster!"
yeah, by what? 6 seconds? shut up.
plus, seeing whether or not your friend is typing a message, or had read your message turns into an obsession.
"holy, i know you've read my message, why aren't you responding?!"
"ummm...i'm busy? chill."
it became annoying.
you'd run out of battery in 2 hours because you kept checking to see if they read your message or not.
plus every two seconds someone is updating their picture or changing their name to include stupid symbols, or making their name something crazy so i have no clue who the fuck they are.
also, why did "how many bbm contacts do YOU have?" turn into a virtual dick measuring contest?
yeah, i've got 117 contacts...but i probably only talk to 6 on a regular basis, 4 others on a semi-regular basis and 2 on rare occasions...which leaves 105 who i don't even talk to. ever.

i'm soooo popular!

and it's usually one of the 105 that sends me 100 broadcast messages a week with some stupid chain letter bullshit.
who actually thinks that if you don't send a broadcast message to all your friends list that your blackberry will be turned off?


iphone > blackberry.
here's to regular texting!

ps. i was totally using bbm before it was cool and popular. it's such a sellout now.
now, leave me alone, i'm going to play angry birds.


random thought

am i the only person who thinks eminem sucks?

what's the deal with him singing his own choruses?
did he lose akon's phone number?
i think that's what bothers me the most.
well, that, and everything about "ass like that" and "just lose it"...

somebody hit him with those digits.


merry belated christmas

well friends, it feels like it's been a bajillion days since i last posted anything...
and well, it probably feels like a bajillion days, because it actually has been a bajillion days.

for that, i apologize.
a bajillion days is a long time.

i'll be honest though,
i've made efforts...
there have been times where i've logged in, clicked "new post", in an effort to entertain you all, but ended up just staring at the blank page, only to close the window and move on to some other mind numbing activity...

i've been selfish.
i've chosen entertaining myself, over entertaining you...
the three people that read this blog, occasionally.

and i understand, that's not fair.

that being said, i'm back!...

for now...

until i get bored and go watch sports highlights, until i forget completely that this blog exists...

i'm sorry?

allow me to be frank;
i feel like, in my ongoing search for entertainment and motivation, i constantly, unintentionally, lose focus on my true goal: becoming letterhead famous, because of the mediums i seek for said motivation.
my point - youtube and wikipedia are the devil.

blame them for my lack of postings!

everyone has fallen victim to the "youtubing" phenomenon, i'm certain.
where you watch one video, and then youtube suggests other videos you should watch, so you watch them, and then they suggest more, so you watch them too, and next thing you know, it's 5:30am and you have to work at 9.


devastating, not only to my life in general, but to my creative genius.
it's pretty hard to write or record video while watching 7 hours of youtube, you know?
what's worse is, i can't help it.

wikipedia is even WORSE*.
*only if you are a huge loser nerd like me. otherwise, youtube is the undisputed champ in worseville.
i'll look something up quickly while i'm watching 7 hours of youtube videos, but then once i start reading, i'll want to look something else up, and then that will cause me to want to look something else up, and then i'll look something else up, etc, etc...

so next thing you know, i've got 13 tabs open of wikipedia pages that i want to read, all the while, watching 7 hours of youtube videos...
you can only imagine how much more that consumes my life...

11 hours, to be exact.
i counted once...

11 hours.
if it's impossible to write or record anything while watching 7 hours of youtube videos, you can only imagine how impossible it is while watching and reading 11 hours worth of material every day...

throw in trying to learn sweet songs on the guitar, so chicks will think i'm awesome, for 4 hours...and well...my day is shot.

"dear blog,
sorry, i'll get you next time.
youtube and wikipedia are ruining my life.
but by 'ruining', i don't actually mean 'ruining'...it's more like 'improving', but still ruining at the same time...
you know what i'm trying to say, right?
you understand me.
that's why i love you.
you're the best.

sincerely, booya.xo

ps. i learned how to play wonderwall today. i'm totally gonna get laid soon."

you smell what i'm cookin?
i'm not trying to make excuses,
i'm just trying to keep it real with you all.

here comes my best effort in avoiding getting caught up in my own loserish youtube/wikipedia world, and devoting more time to you.

wish me luck!


facts of life

old people love coffee.

it could be sunny and 35 degrees celsius out. grandma and grandpa could have just gone for a 30 minute walk, and instead of coming home and drinking big tall glasses of ice water, they'd put the coffee on.

breakfast, lunch and dinner. coffee, coffee and coffee.

i don't get it.

coffee isn't refreshing.
it's not ever going to quench my thirst.
i drink coffee to wake up in the morning. that's it.

how does drinking 26 cups of coffee even make you feel?
no wonder old people are shaky...they're all dehydrated and hopped up on caffeine.

it's fucked.

there were two nice old ladies in for lunch, at the restaurant i work at today, who were the primo stereotypes.

they sit down. order coffees. black.
i drop off their appetizer. bruschetta. more coffee please.
i drop off their meals. shanghai noodle bowls, medium heat. water? nope. more coffee.
i drop off their dessert. more coffee.

not a single drop of water or anything their entire visit.

they consumed a garlicy appetizer. a spicy asian noodle bowl and dessert and you mean to tell me they didn't want a sip of something other than coffee to quench their thirst?!

it boggles my mind.

and what makes it crazier is that they need their coffee to be boiling hot, or it's "not hot enough".
don't you ever want to drink something cold?!
why do they hate water so much?

i should just start bringing old people glasses of water and see if they drink them.
it could be like a science experiment.

but they'd probably all look at me like i was crazy and just ask for more coffee...

i can't wait until i'm old so i can finally understand.


is this real life?

justin bieber has already written an autobiography?
are you fucking kidding me?
he's 16 fucking years old.
how much shit could he honestly have to talk about?
disney is thinking about firing keith richards due to the graphic detail he uses when describing his sex and drug use, in his autobiography...
what's bieber gonna talk about? the first time he got a boner?

listen to some excerpts from this heaping pile of trash:

i hope the only reason people buy this book...is so they can give it to homeless people to burn to keep warm this winter season.

this shit is fucking funny

not only is it good fucking design advice, it's also good fucking life advice.

i particularly enjoy "use fucking spell check".
because nothing makes you look like a bigger donkey than when you spell shit wrong.

you'd think being in the age of text message mania, people would be better at spelling...
but instead retards everywhere continue to say shit like "ur".
the worst part is, these people probably don't know the difference between "you're" and "your".

let me break it down for you:

you: "i'm really smrt!"
me: "you're an idiot."

your mom: "my son is really smrt!"
me: "your son is an idiot."

get it?
got it?
probably not...

i probably shouldn't take credit for finding this.


you're not SMRT

people who are idiots should not be able to play on-air radio games.

it's embarassing. really.

what do the following things all have in common?

1) a bee hive
2) a chess board
3) england

"i don't know!"
"i was thinking something to do with pawn, but that doesn't make sense"


i hope she doesn't have aspirations of becoming a brain surgeon when she grows up.
i'd probably rather leave my life in the hands of a pile of rocks.

have a nice day.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone on the MTS High Speed Mobility Network


i want to punch you in the face: on the fly edition

hey lady,

if you wanna buy smokes from domo, how about you don't park inbetween the two fucking pumps while i'm pulling up to get gas?

fucking donkey.
don't worry, i'll wait.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone on the MTS High Speed Mobility Network


i want to punch you in the face

photoblog edition

episode: three

apparently vintage and helvetica are where it's at?
at least that's what i found out @ilikelivingsmall.tumblr.com
here's my attempt. laugh, or else!


bag of assholes

it's official.

i'm hungover as fuck.

i don't even know how i'm posting anything currently, as i should probably still be face down in my bed, unconscious.

what's your hangover cure?

a good friend of mine says his sure cure is:
chocolate milk, a hot shower and a jerk.

i prefer chugging 4 litres of water, popping mass pills (tylenol, multi-vitamins, ecstasy), eating rice and watching baseball.

speaking of which...the game's on.
so, fuck off and leave me alone.

i'm sorry, i didn't mean that...

but seriously, the game's on...
hit me on twitter.


choose wisely

which t-shirt is better?

if you said "the one on the right"
you're an idiot.

almost famous

one day i want to be famous enough to have my own letterhead.

i feel like that's the sign that you know you've made it really big.
personalized letterhead.
not your company bullshit - that's bush league.
personal - it's got my name on it and you know who it is without having to google that shit famous.

that's big league.


alfred hitchcock
or, sammy davis jr.
or, john wayne
or, adolf hitler?

looks sharp, no?

for more: check out this crazy blog i found dedicated to random letterhead: http://www.letterheady.com

finish him!

i want to punch you in the face

episode: two


i hate you.
shut up.

these people make me want to sit in a running car in a small garage.

there's nothing worse that trying to have a conversation with these people...if you can even call it a conversation. because it's pretty much just them talking, then you trying to talk, then having them interrupt you to tell you you're wrong.
or how about, the rare chance you do get to articulate your thought/idea, and these people aren't even willing to accept your point of view, for the sake of the conversation, despite your agreement with theirs?
how does "no, you're wrong" (or other variations of "you're wrong") even prove your point to be correct, or mine incorrect?
am i just supposed to give up and say "good point...i do think i am wrong. you've provided me with ample evidence to disprove my theory, because you do, after all, know everything"?
go fuck yourself.
or instead of fucking yourself, just have a regular conversation with me and quit being a huge asshole, because you clearly don't know everything?

i know what you're thinking...
"does this mean you want to punch yourself in the face, because you think you're right all the time?"

the answer: no, because i'm actually always right. the other people who think they're always right, aren't actually always right, while i actually am. there's a clear difference, idiots.
quit questioning me.


this just in...

it's really hard to keep up with a blog during the summertime...

i'm currently accumulating many interesting thoughts and things that i most certainly want to share with you, however, i'm finding it difficult to sit down and make it happen.
i blame my drinking and sports addictions.
i should probably seek help.

until then, i'll leave you with this:

jersey shore: season 2 just started, so let's celebrate how shitty the show is with last season's most memorable moment:
i hope the entire cast drives off a cliff.