i want to punch you in the face

recently, i decided that i want to start compiling a list of people i want to punch in the face.

it started out as a potential "top 10" style list, however, i've changed my mind and decided to post them on the fly, as i think of them - as it would be much to difficult to rank the idiocy of each specific person, or type of person - and i'd rather not make one idiot feel better about themself because they were ranked higher than another idiot.

so, let's begin....

episode: one.

PEOPLE WHO WALK LIKE ASSHOLES IN PARKING LOTS

these pieces of shit can do a variety of asshole maneuvers...

like, walk diagonally across the road, which clearly takes longer than going straight across, but you wouldn't expect an idiot to know that.

don't worry, i'll wait here while you take your sweet ass time...

or how about the assholes who walk in the middle of the lane and are too retarded to notice that there's a fucking car behind them trying to get by.

you rev your engine, get real close, try to go around them, but for some reason they continue to not give a fuck.

i hope these people's families get abducted.

then there's the hybrid of the previous, which is even more frustrating...

they walk in the middle of the lane but then realize there's a car behind them, so they walk diagonally, not the shorter distance, but the longer one to the other side of the lane, whilst not even thinking about breaking into the "courtesy jog".

eat shit and live, assholes.

(yes, i said eat shit and live. why would i want them to eat shit and die? i'd feel better about my life knowing they have to live the rest of theirs knowing they ate shit)

**let's stop and talk, briefly, about this courtesy jog i speak of...

this act is certainly no faster than walking, however, it makes me feel like you're less of an asshole, because you're making an effort to make it seem like you're getting out of my way faster.

so, thank you to all those who actively exercise this practice.

for all those who look over their shoulder and keep walking like they don't give a shit...fuck you.

don't be surprised if i hit you with my car AND THEN punch you in the face.

anyways...you get the point...

and you for sure all know what i'm talking about.

also deserving of a punch in the face:

the cousins of people that walk like assholes in parking lots,

PEOPLE WHO WALK LIKE ASSHOLES ACROSS THE STREET!

have i ever told you the story of the time i hit someone with my car?

...to be continued...

is this real life?

i wish i could tell you this was fake...

but it's not.

it's an actual voicemail i received a week ago.

check it out:

tell me that shit isn't funny...i dare you.

the muppet show

mosquitoes make me want to shake babies.

dear anti-foggers,

you're idiots. i hate you. go die.

love, booya.

should i start this blog off with a question?

so, recently i found some sweet new music while lurking around on youtube.

pretty stoked, as i have been listening to so much old music lately, and it's kind of been getting...well...old.

anyways, i like this new music, so you should too...but, if for some reason you don't...

well...i don't care.

you should be honoured that i'm even sharing this with you jerks.

enjoy!

life in film is my favorite, i think.

home movies

do you like to party?

free fallin'

i recently went to see tom petty, in concert, with my mother...

this is the footage i was able to capture...until i got in trouble.

oops!

here's the setlist from that night:

also, noteworthy from the evening was the fight that broke out a section over from me.

apparently guy A didn't appreciate guy B standing in front of him during this wonderful rock concert, so guy A decided to grab guy B from behind and started beating the shit out of him.

the moral of the story: if someone is standing in front of you at a rock concert, while you are sitting and you can't see...stand up.

because, beating the shit out of the guy isn't going to improve your chances of viewing said concert, as it is difficult to see anything from the parking lot.

also, if you are healthy enough to beat someone up...you're probably strong enough to stand for a couple hours...so suck it up.

hope you enjoyed listening to your tom petty cd on the way home, idiot.

taste it

i like being the asshole, who parks like an asshole, next to the asshole, who originally parked like an asshole.

the goal: to make them feel like assholes for parking like an asshole.

the contingency: if they're simply idiots, and don't realize they're parking like an asshole, at least i've pissed them off by parking next to them, like an asshole.

say "asshole".

www.youparklikeanasshole.com

kentucky wildcats

with the nba draft just days away, let's check in with my boy john wall to see how he's getting prepared to be chosen first overall...

don't forget about the kid demarcus cousins either. he's goin top 5 for sure.

kentucky, what?!

tears of joy

soo...

i really, really, really love eye drops.

is that weird?

i love how it burns so good.

don't judge me.

dear italy,

i love your women and your fashion.

please send me both.

love, booya.xo

ralph lauren

the game of polo.

riding horses and smacking a ball around with a long mallet.

a devil of a good time, don't you think?!

absolutely sinful.

how about bicycle polo?

crazy bastards.

ps. fixed gear bikes scare the fuck out of me. i feel like i'd probably die while riding one. but they're still pretty neat.

wingdings

what type ARE you?

answer 4 simple questions that will help you drink from the font of self knowledge, face the truth and find out just which type you are.

it's that easy, ladies and gentleman.

all your life's queries answered here, on the internet.

i'm courier.

rational. understated. progressive. disciplined.

dj honda feat. black attack

say hello to the new school rodney mullen.

kilian martin.

know your roots:

rodney, keeping it un-real...

bonus footage:

the big piece of chicken

scroll to 3:46, or enjoy chris rock in all his bigger and blacker glory...

happy father's day

#worldcupmania

in case you didn't hear...

japan beat cameroon the other day.

just sayin...

LET'S GO BITE DICKSSS!!!

is this real life?

remember a while back i posted something about the mc10:35?

you ain't seen nothin yet!

fat people rejoice!

i give you...

the mcgangbang.

it appears to be a mcchicken stuffed in between a double cheeseburger...

mmmm...

a match made in heaven, don'tcha think?

buyer beware: this burger is extremely high in calories, so be sure to only pair it with a diet coke.

can i kick it?

what is it about new shoes that makes you wanna go out and party?

it's like something happens chemically in your brain that won't let you not party in your new shoes immediately after you've purchased them.

which is fine...but...

why is it that you always decide to go to the club, even though you know it's going to be packed and bananas and have them stepped on and probably get cranberry juice-ified? or you go to that sweet house party where you know they're going to be safe and stay clean, but for some reason everyone's outside chillin in a mud puddle and there's nothing you can do about it?

ruined immediately.

fuck.

which reminds me...what's the deal with clubs not letting people in with white shoes? this dress code has been in full effect for so many years now, and i still don't understand.

do my white shoes make me some sort of hoodlum?

what if i own the same shoes in black and white? will you allow me entrance only when i wear the black pair?

i get the track pants, jerseys, etc...that shit's obvious. you look like an idiot, no question.

but what is it about white shoes that makes entrance impossible?

i'll give anyone a dollar who can explain it, and have me buy into their explanation, cuz that shit is ridiculous.

anyways...

i just bought a pair of these beauties at boatshoes.com.

they came in the mail the other day.

cute, eh?

sooo...does anyone wanna party?

kool and the gang

new york city style

denim shirt.

slim khakis.

boat shoes.

no socks.

chillin.

love it.

flawless victory

how's everybody feeling today?

super!

so, i was recently "youtubing", and through my lurking around, i came across, what appears to be the trailer for the new mortal kombat movie.

very impressed, i must say...although i don't know how i feel about it not really following the actual story...

in any case, i'm more than likely going to go see it...and i'm more than likely going to enjoy it more than mortal kombat: annihilation.

ps. anyone who has seen that movie and liked it...is an idiot. and for those who haven't...don't.

to be honest, after watching the trailer and being reminded of said sequel, i decided to watch it again - because i couldn't remember why it was so shitty.

i was quickly reminded.

absolute shit.

to the point of embarrassment.

but whatever...nothing's worse than kazaam!

untitled 2

apparently writing about having writers block, helps eliminate writers block?

maybe?

maybe.

i'm back for now...

make yourself comfortable and enjoy your stay.

talk to you again soon.

currently listening to: let it be - the beatles

and the winner is...

go play in traffic, idiot.

what's with this half-tuck, 'hey look at me, i'm wearing a belt' phenomenon that's been lingering for the past handful of years? like....how is it still around?

first of all, you're an idiot.

second of all, you look like an idiot.

third of all, you paid $20 bucks for that piece of shit belt buckle at that shitty kiosk in the mall...quit being so proud of it.

even if you paid $200 for your blingy dolce and gabbana belt, you still look like an idiot...

there's no denying the fact, really.

so, are people continually complimenting you on your fashion sense? making you think that said fashion statement is 'cool'?

because i feel like these people should join you in a game of stickball in a busy intersection during rush hour.

take my advice: your ridiculous triple XL t-shirt/shitty sparkly ed hardy t-shirt/loserish hollister polo looks retarded half tucked into your oversized roca wear jeans/true religion boot cut jeans/khaki cargo shorts.

quit being an idiot. untuck that shit.

the L word

is david hasselhoff actually a lesbian?

you be the judge.