i'm falling in love with memories

9.01.2010

i want to punch you in the face

photoblog edition

episode: three

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apparently vintage and helvetica are where it's at?

at least that's what i found out @ilikelivingsmall.tumblr.com

here's my attempt. laugh, or else!

8.29.2010

bag of assholes

it's official.

i'm hungover as fuck.

i don't even know how i'm posting anything currently, as i should probably still be face down in my bed, unconscious.

what's your hangover cure?

a good friend of mine says his sure cure is:

chocolate milk, a hot shower and a jerk.

i prefer chugging 4 litres of water, popping mass pills (tylenol, multi-vitamins, ~~ecstasy~~), eating rice and watching baseball.

speaking of which...the game's on.

so, fuck off and leave me alone.

i'm sorry, i didn't mean that...

but seriously, the game's on...

hit me on twitter.

8.17.2010

choose wisely

which t-shirt is better?

if you said "the one on the right"

you're an idiot.

almost famous

one day i want to be famous enough to have my own letterhead.

i feel like that's the sign that you know you've made it really big.

personalized letterhead.

not your company bullshit - that's bush league.

personal - it's got my name on it and you know who it is without having to google that shit famous.

that's big league.

like:

alfred hitchcock

or, sammy davis jr.

or, john wayne

or, adolf hitler?

hmmm...

looks sharp, no?

for more: check out this crazy blog i found dedicated to random letterhead: http://www.letterheady.com

finish him!

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

i want to punch you in the face

episode: two

PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY'RE RIGHT ALL THE TIME

i hate you.

shut up.

these people make me want to sit in a running car in a small garage.

there's nothing worse that trying to have a conversation with these people...if you can even call it a conversation. because it's pretty much just them talking, then you trying to talk, then having them interrupt you to tell you you're wrong.

or how about, the rare chance you do get to articulate your thought/idea, and these people aren't even willing to accept your point of view, for the sake of the conversation, despite your agreement with theirs?

how does "no, you're wrong" (or other variations of "you're wrong") even prove your point to be correct, or mine incorrect?

am i just supposed to give up and say "good point...i do think i am wrong. you've provided me with ample evidence to disprove my theory, because you do, after all, know everything"?

go fuck yourself.

or instead of fucking yourself, just have a regular conversation with me and quit being a huge asshole, because you clearly don't know everything?

i know what you're thinking...

"does this mean you want to punch yourself in the face, because you think you're right all the time?"

the answer: no, because i'm actually always right. the other people who think they're always right, aren't actually always right, while i actually am. there's a clear difference, idiots.

quit questioning me.

7.30.2010

this just in...

it's really hard to keep up with a blog during the summertime...

i'm currently accumulating many interesting thoughts and things that i most certainly want to share with you, however, i'm finding it difficult to sit down and make it happen.

i blame my drinking and sports addictions.

i should probably seek help.

until then, i'll leave you with this:

jersey shore: season 2 just started, so let's celebrate how shitty the show is with last season's most memorable moment:

i hope the entire cast drives off a cliff.

7.14.2010

i want to punch you in the face

recently, i decided that i want to start compiling a list of people i want to punch in the face.

it started out as a potential "top 10" style list, however, i've changed my mind and decided to post them on the fly, as i think of them - as it would be much to difficult to rank the idiocy of each specific person, or type of person - and i'd rather not make one idiot feel better about themself because they were ranked higher than another idiot.

so, let's begin....

episode: one.

PEOPLE WHO WALK LIKE ASSHOLES IN PARKING LOTS

these pieces of shit can do a variety of asshole maneuvers...

like, walk diagonally across the road, which clearly takes longer than going straight across, but you wouldn't expect an idiot to know that.

don't worry, i'll wait here while you take your sweet ass time...

or how about the assholes who walk in the middle of the lane and are too retarded to notice that there's a fucking car behind them trying to get by.

you rev your engine, get real close, try to go around them, but for some reason they continue to not give a fuck.

i hope these people's families get abducted.

then there's the hybrid of the previous, which is even more frustrating...

they walk in the middle of the lane but then realize there's a car behind them, so they walk diagonally, not the shorter distance, but the longer one to the other side of the lane, whilst not even thinking about breaking into the "courtesy jog".

eat shit and live, assholes.

(yes, i said eat shit and live. why would i want them to eat shit and die? i'd feel better about my life knowing they have to live the rest of theirs knowing they ate shit)

**let's stop and talk, briefly, about this courtesy jog i speak of...

this act is certainly no faster than walking, however, it makes me feel like you're less of an asshole, because you're making an effort to make it seem like you're getting out of my way faster.

so, thank you to all those who actively exercise this practice.

for all those who look over their shoulder and keep walking like they don't give a shit...fuck you.

don't be surprised if i hit you with my car AND THEN punch you in the face.

anyways...you get the point...

and you for sure all know what i'm talking about.

also deserving of a punch in the face:

the cousins of people that walk like assholes in parking lots,

PEOPLE WHO WALK LIKE ASSHOLES ACROSS THE STREET!

have i ever told you the story of the time i hit someone with my car?

...to be continued...

7.07.2010

is this real life?

i wish i could tell you this was fake...

but it's not.

it's an actual voicemail i received a week ago.

check it out:

tell me that shit isn't funny...i dare you.

7.03.2010

the muppet show

mosquitoes make me want to shake babies.

dear anti-foggers,

you're idiots. i hate you. go die.

love, booya.

should i start this blog off with a question?

so, recently i found some sweet new music while lurking around on youtube.

pretty stoked, as i have been listening to so much old music lately, and it's kind of been getting...well...old.

anyways, i like this new music, so you should too...but, if for some reason you don't...

well...i don't care.

you should be honoured that i'm even sharing this with you jerks.

enjoy!

life in film is my favorite, i think.

6.28.2010

home movies

do you like to party?

free fallin'

i recently went to see tom petty, in concert, with my mother...

this is the footage i was able to capture...until i got in trouble.

oops!

here's the setlist from that night:

Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers Setlist MTS Centre, Winnipeg, MB, Canada, Mojo Tour 2010

also, noteworthy from the evening was the fight that broke out a section over from me.

apparently guy A didn't appreciate guy B standing in front of him during this wonderful rock concert, so guy A decided to grab guy B from behind and started beating the shit out of him.

the moral of the story: if someone is standing in front of you at a rock concert, while you are sitting and you can't see...stand up.

because, beating the shit out of the guy isn't going to improve your chances of viewing said concert, as it is difficult to see anything from the parking lot.

also, if you are healthy enough to beat someone up...you're probably strong enough to stand for a couple hours...so suck it up.

hope you enjoyed listening to your tom petty cd on the way home, idiot.

6.22.2010

taste it

i like being the asshole, who parks like an asshole, next to the asshole, who originally parked like an asshole.

the goal: to make them feel like assholes for parking like an asshole.

the contingency: if they're simply idiots, and don't realize they're parking like an asshole, at least i've pissed them off by parking next to them, like an asshole.

say "asshole".