this shit is fucking funny

not only is it good fucking design advice, it's also good fucking life advice.

i particularly enjoy "use fucking spell check".

because nothing makes you look like a bigger donkey than when you spell shit wrong.

you'd think being in the age of text message mania, people would be better at spelling...

but instead retards everywhere continue to say shit like "ur".

the worst part is, these people probably don't know the difference between "you're" and "your".

let me break it down for you:

you: "i'm really smrt!"

me: "you're an idiot."

your mom: "my son is really smrt!"

me: "your son is an idiot."

get it?

got it?

probably not...

i probably shouldn't take credit for finding this.

i want to punch you in the face

episode: two

PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY'RE RIGHT ALL THE TIME

i hate you.

shut up.

these people make me want to sit in a running car in a small garage.

there's nothing worse that trying to have a conversation with these people...if you can even call it a conversation. because it's pretty much just them talking, then you trying to talk, then having them interrupt you to tell you you're wrong.

or how about, the rare chance you do get to articulate your thought/idea, and these people aren't even willing to accept your point of view, for the sake of the conversation, despite your agreement with theirs?

how does "no, you're wrong" (or other variations of "you're wrong") even prove your point to be correct, or mine incorrect?

am i just supposed to give up and say "good point...i do think i am wrong. you've provided me with ample evidence to disprove my theory, because you do, after all, know everything"?

go fuck yourself.

or instead of fucking yourself, just have a regular conversation with me and quit being a huge asshole, because you clearly don't know everything?

i know what you're thinking...

"does this mean you want to punch yourself in the face, because you think you're right all the time?"

the answer: no, because i'm actually always right. the other people who think they're always right, aren't actually always right, while i actually am. there's a clear difference, idiots.

quit questioning me.

i want to punch you in the face

recently, i decided that i want to start compiling a list of people i want to punch in the face.

it started out as a potential "top 10" style list, however, i've changed my mind and decided to post them on the fly, as i think of them - as it would be much to difficult to rank the idiocy of each specific person, or type of person - and i'd rather not make one idiot feel better about themself because they were ranked higher than another idiot.

so, let's begin....

episode: one.

PEOPLE WHO WALK LIKE ASSHOLES IN PARKING LOTS

these pieces of shit can do a variety of asshole maneuvers...

like, walk diagonally across the road, which clearly takes longer than going straight across, but you wouldn't expect an idiot to know that.

don't worry, i'll wait here while you take your sweet ass time...

or how about the assholes who walk in the middle of the lane and are too retarded to notice that there's a fucking car behind them trying to get by.

you rev your engine, get real close, try to go around them, but for some reason they continue to not give a fuck.

i hope these people's families get abducted.

then there's the hybrid of the previous, which is even more frustrating...

they walk in the middle of the lane but then realize there's a car behind them, so they walk diagonally, not the shorter distance, but the longer one to the other side of the lane, whilst not even thinking about breaking into the "courtesy jog".

eat shit and live, assholes.

(yes, i said eat shit and live. why would i want them to eat shit and die? i'd feel better about my life knowing they have to live the rest of theirs knowing they ate shit)

**let's stop and talk, briefly, about this courtesy jog i speak of...

this act is certainly no faster than walking, however, it makes me feel like you're less of an asshole, because you're making an effort to make it seem like you're getting out of my way faster.

so, thank you to all those who actively exercise this practice.

for all those who look over their shoulder and keep walking like they don't give a shit...fuck you.

don't be surprised if i hit you with my car AND THEN punch you in the face.

anyways...you get the point...

and you for sure all know what i'm talking about.

also deserving of a punch in the face:

the cousins of people that walk like assholes in parking lots,

PEOPLE WHO WALK LIKE ASSHOLES ACROSS THE STREET!

have i ever told you the story of the time i hit someone with my car?

...to be continued...

80085

is this real life?

Feminists slam cancer campaign as sexist

Mon Mar 22, 2:35 pm ET

WARSAW (Reuters) – Polish feminists have objected to a hospital's breast cancer prevention slogan which they say encourages workplace harassment, the Gazeta Wyborcza daily said on its website on Monday.

The slogan "I check the breasts of my workers on my own" was devised by a cancer hospital in the southern town of Opole and aimed at convincing employers to encourage their female workers to have their breasts checked regularly for cancer symptoms.

"This is a sexist slogan that obviously brings sexual molestation to mind," the head of the Feminoteka foundation, Joanna Piotrowska, was quoted on the website as saying.

"This campaign treats women as objects and is not far removed from advertisements in which girls flaunt their breasts over car bonnets. I wonder if this would be equally funny if it were changed to 'I check the penises of my workers on my own'."

(Writing by Kuba Jaworowski, editing by Paul Casciato)

the question: would this be equally as funny if the slogan were changed to:

"i check the penises of my workers on my own"?

the answer: yes. it would probably be MORE funny, actually...but i don't think it'd solve your little "workplace harassment" problem though.

back to the drawing board, i guess?

dear idiots,

if you don't like certain food items...for instance, some common dislikes are: tomatoes, onions, pickles, even jalapenos...and you're at a restaurant, ordering something with said ingredients - but you request to not have that item in and around your food - and the server asks you if you have an allergy to it, but you don't have an allergy to it...do us all a favour, and don't say YES.

you are ruining lives.

what's the deal with people who think that, because you may not be allergic to something, and you request to not have it appear in your dish, that the restaurant you're visiting is going to spite you/not care, and just put it in there for fun?

you're not smart.

so, quit it.

also, if you tell us you have an "allergy", and your food takes long to come out, it's your own goddamn fault, so quit complaining. it's because we spent 15 minutes reading each ingredient list on each item to make sure there were no fucking onions in your shit, before we could start cooking it.

"oh...i'm not allergic to onion powder...just big chunks of onions..."

fuck you.

i actually have allergies, so i take that shit seriously.

so, quit being idiots, and ruining my life, idiots.

ps. i'm aware that certain people have intolerances to onions and tomatoes and things of this nature, and that's cool, i respect that fully. let us know, and we will make sure that item is not in your food 100%. but there's a big difference between "intolerance", which for the most part, creates an uncomfortable scenario in your stomach area, and "allergy", which can potentially end lives. don't you think?

so, like i said before...quit being idiots.

also,

this just in: motley crue fans really like booze...a lot.

that is all.

ps. what's the deal with barfing unicorns?