i like pooping

this video was just brought to my attention, and i was threatened at knifepoint to post it...
thanks, kelly.

yeah...i know.
shocking isn't it?

it actually reminds me of the time a grown woman peed herself in front of me.

for real.

it happened back in the day.
"which by the way, i don't know if you knew this, was a wednesday. that's a little fun fact. yeah, when you refer to 'back in the day' it's a wednesday. take that home, chew it, it's delicious."

sorry, i digress...
where i work, it is a frequent occurrence, for people of the street and sketchbags, alike, to try to sneak into and use our restrooms.
it is generally my goal, when i see them enter, to intercept them as they try to sneak past our defenses to gain control of our handicap stalls.

on this fateful wednesday, back in the day, i intercepted a woman, approximately 40 years young, wearing a summer dress, which i'm sure at one point, was very lovely, as she walked in the back entrance of our restaurant.
i, as always, hurry over, politely say hello, and offer her my assistance and ask her if she'd like a table.
she declines and tells me she 'just needs to use the washroom'.
i regretfully inform her that 'unfortunately, our washrooms are for guests only'.
she then proceeds to do the 'potty dance' infront of me - yes, a 40 year old woman...the potty dance.
she explains that 'she really has to go'.
at this point i'm so embarassed for her, i say, 'ok, just this one time...go ahead'.

she doesn't move.

'oh no' she says...

in shock, i assess the situation...
is that urine splashing on the ground below her?!

dear god, it is.

she stutters, 'c-c-can i have some napkins?'

'yes. you can', i reply.

in shock, i manage to turn and dash towards the cupboard to retrieve her some napkins.
however, by the time i got back, she had vanished...and all that was left behind was a puddle...

i certainly did not enjoy cleaning up that mess.

the bright side: at least it wasn't poop.

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